The Crazy Adventures of Maggie Sweeney

So I have not had a good Miami Student Story in awhile, but I feel that this one needs to be shared.

In my classes we have been discussing Millenial students (aka all of us) and how to deal with them. One of the big things is about helicopter parents. I immediately identified Mary Jo Sweeney as a fantastic helicopter parent. Many of you may have heard my embarrassing stories of my mother and my love/embarrassed for my life stories about her. Well, I thought I had the crazy mother. And then I met Mrs. Missing Girl.

So I was supposed to be meeting one of my professors (Peter Magolda, for those Student Affairs people) for a 9:15am meeting on a Friday morning. Since I am never on time for anything in my life, of course at 8:50am I am brushing my teeth and running around before I have to make the fifteen minute walk to his office. I am a little scared of this professor, so I did not want to be late. As I am trying to finish brushing my teeth, with my music turned up obnoxiously loud (haha residents) I hear a frantic banging at my front door. I turn down the music, turn off the water, and go to the front door. I hear sobbing and I hear the sound walking away. I open the door, and I see a tiny woman come running back to my door. She is sobbing and her words are pretty much unintelligible. I try to get her to calm down, and she tells me that her daughter is missing. She tells me her name, and her room, and I decide to let her upstairs to see if she can find her daughter. Mind you, in order to get access to our building, you either have to be a resident or be in one of the sororities that have a suite within our building. I notice that she has a Miami student ID, so I have figured out how she actually got into the building. I escort her upstairs.

As we are going upstairs, she tells me what is going on. Apparently, she had been there since Monday to help her daughter drop all and force add all of her classes. Mind you, this is week three of the semester, and the date to drop/add classes past about a four days ago. So, this mother came down, got a hotel room, and went to every class with her daughter that week, talked to the professors, and convinced them to let her daughter into the class. The mother goes on to tell me that this is very normal to her, and her daughter just needs some encouragement. As all of this is going on, she is also texting and calling different people. She is talking to her older daughter, whose ID she currently is holding, and they are giving each other updates. They talk about a "Timmy" who may be a person the missing daughter happens to be with. The mother gets a phone call from Patrick, who I deduct to be the ex-boyfriend of missing girl. Patrick has no idea where she is, the last time he saw her was Wednesday night, and "she might be sleeping with that slimeball Timmy." I can hear all of this on the phone. The mother thanks him for his services.

At this time, Mom tells me that the reason she knows missing girl happens to be missing is because she was supposed to call mom at 7:15 am. When she did not receive a call, mom went to the 8am class to see if she was there. The daughter never showed, and the professor said he had never seen her. That is when mama comes to find me.

We get to the room where missing girl happens to reside, and of course she is not in there. Her roommates look at us as if we have six heads because 1. their RD is banging on their door at 9am on a Friday and they were at a huge Sig Chi party the night before so they were totally gone last night and 2. there is a crazy mother banging on their door, calling the two ladies by the wrong names (which was just funny.) These ladies were good sports, and said, oh, well she had Patrick over the other night, I bet she is over there with him. Mother reports that Patrick has not seen her, and asks if they know about Timmy. At this time, the mother gets a phone call from a friend of missing girl, and friend gives mom the phone number of the infamous Timmy. Mother cannot figure out text messaging, but friend told her that texting is the only way to get a hold of Timmy. Mother then tells me that Timmy is on the wrong track in his life. He had dropped out of Miami last semester, was living in Cincinnati, and came up to work at Skippers, an uptown bar, as a bouncer. Mother lets me know that she really values higher education. She then tells me that her daughter also works at Skippers, and met Timmy there. I am standing there, knowing that I am going to be late for my meeting with my professor and wondering why the hell I took this job.

Roommates tell mom that they do not know Timmy, and the last time they saw missing girl, she was making out with a Sig Chi. Mother looks like she is going to have a heart attack. With perfect timing, the phone rings, and it is Timmy. He informs mom that he has not seen daughter since Tuesday night, when she accidentally called him Patrick while they were out together. He said he has only been hooking up with missing girl, and isn't her boyfriend, and shouldn't have to keep tabs on her. He says "talk to that douchebag Patrick" or "go to Sig Chi. They will know where she is." Again, this is all over the phone. The mother, speaking to a kid she does not know whatsoever about her daughter. Who seems kinda slutty. Mother says thank you, and Timmy says "No problem Ma'am. Have a great day!" (In a cheery voice. At this point, I kinda want to meet Timmy.)

At this time, Mom asks me if I can help get missing girl on the right track. I offer to give her the number of the Counseling Center and her Academic Advisor and the MUPD non emergency line. Mom says ok, asks for my number, and runs out of the building.

Later that day, I finally figure out who missing girl happens to be. And she is not my favorite resident. I may have questioned her intelligence once or twice last semester. I see her roommates later in the day, and say, did missing girl come back? They roll their eyes, says she hooks up with a different guy every Thursday, and mom should just back off. I shake my head and say goodbye.

So this is just a snapshot (yes a really long and winded one, but I have to tell the whole story) of my life at Miami. I am now the co-advisor for IFC, and the guys keep me sane. Except when they go to a conference this past weekend, and get caught drinking. Where OSU won a national recruitment award. I realize I might have downgraded a bit... nonetheless, I kinda love it.

Miss all of you!